LOX!

Take a bagel and sliver it. Don't be sad and get those generic pre-slivered bagels. Treat yo self and get a freshly baked bagel at the bakery. You can use all sorts of bagels, but it'd prolly be best to avoid sweet based ones (fruit, chocolate, etc). Warm it up in the toaster and add a healthy amount of butter. I use 3 slivers that I sandwich between the two slices until they're melty and then squish and twist the halves together until the butter is spread evenly and soaked in. Toast it the rest of the way - how much you want to toast is up to you.
You'll need some red onions and cucumbers. About 1/4-1/5 of a red onion diced mixed in with about 12-15 circular slivers (that are then further cut up) should be enough to suit two slices. When in doubt always make more than you need, you can always save them for later. Mix up the sliced veggies thoroughly together.
Spread some chive and onion cream cheese (store bought as such or you can make it from scratch) onto the bagel and then add the veggie mixture and then cover it all with a smoked nova lox salmon slice. And you're good to go. About 20 mins tops to make and it's a nice meal to start the morning.

Ragin Cajun!

I did my undergrad in the dirty south (Go Trojans!) and ran a conference in New Orleans (pre-Katrina) and fell in love with that area. Ever since, I've been dabbling in Creole/Cajun cuisine. Recently, I stumbled upon

Loovvveee the LA trees. Such character!

some boxes of Tony Chacere's (yay!) Gumbo at the 99 cents only store and hadta pick it up since I never made gumbo yet. I used two boxes which makes about two cups and added another two cups extra long grain rice and double amount water and threw all that in a rice cooker. Turned out well. I'm glad I threw in the rice to cover up that insane amount of seasoning/salt. Made it that much more edible and not overly salty.

As I mentioned before, Louisiana cooking can be either Cajun or Creole. For gumbo, Creoles will do it as a soup while Cajuns will do it as a stew. I actually ended up doing it my own way, by cooking the ingredients seperately and piling them together. I wanted the flavors to meld together in the bite you form on the fork and evolve the flavors separately. I haveta admit though, because I didn't do a considerable background study on how to cook gumbo I didn't know about the difference in cooking styles. I did this mainly because I like to adhere to my improv rules and also add my own flair. For my dish, I ended up organically making a rice dish, pan fried catfish, a veggie/sausage platter, and a sauce. As a side note, for any Creole/Cajun cooking you must utilize the Holy Trinity: celery, onions, and bell peppers. I exchanged onion with shallot only because I have an insane amount and I really like them because they blend onion with garlic - yum!

When you make a gumbo, you will most likely top it off with a sauce called roux. There are two types of roux: Creole or Cajun. The former is with butter and flour and the latter with lard/oil and flour. I cooked Creole by melting the butter first (my roomie gave me a great tip: you can also roast the flour by itself first until it gets dark and then add the fat) and added equal portions of flour. You need to cook fairly low heats and stir constantly. I had to bounce back and forth and add more butter/flour. I should've added more butter (although I did end up using about a 1.5:1, fat:flour ratio) because it was still too floury. I also tossed in some Cajun seasonings to add flavor. You will see as you cook it that it moves in stages (as shown in the pics) and evolves into a burned black goo. Which is what you want, the roux needs to be burned like it's damned! At some point, when it reaches the brown stage it'll smell like popcorn. It stayed brown for me until I added celery and then it instantly turned chocolate black. That might be from the water in the celery? It still tasted funky so I added a load of honey. It ended up tasting tolerable (too thick and floury, but a tinge of sweetness and barely any spice except for a lingering aftertaste), but I want to make it much better the next time I cook it. Not bad for my first time, however and tastes fine with everything else, but still brings the dish down a little bit.

Since I can't cook without drinking, I had to make myself a thematic drink (to accompany my New Orleans jazz playing on Pandora). Since I couldn't find an appropriate Southern beer and none of the whiskeys caught my fancy I just did a mix I was turned on by a friend awhile back...Seagram's Sweet Tea Vodka mixed with Arnold Palmer's Sweet Tea and Lemonade. It's quite good although may need tonic to lighten it up. Be careful, it'll sneak up on ya!

It had a bizarre cascade effect after blending with ice.

For the main meat I chose Louisiana-borne catfish from a local Asian market. When choosing a catfish, I was told this great tip: pick the scumsucker with a small head (very key!) and a fat (wide) body. Catfish are notorious for having long slender bodies that offer little meat so you want a small head/big body so you get more meat. As with all fish, check the gills to make sure they look healthy (rich red not faded brick) and the eyes aren't cloudy. Make sure the skin is metallic and shiny and it smells like clean water, maybe faintly cucumberish. I had mine gutted (another tip: you may want to keep the guts because there may be eggs, but I'm not pro enough to know how to cook fish eggs) and cleaned (de-finned, but head left on) and cut in steaks. I prefer this method (steak) because all you have to do is cut on either side of the central bone and

From bottom left, clockwise: catfish steak that can be cut in half on opposite sides of the central bone; cubed portions of the steak; fish steaks that have little to no meat that can still be cooked but not for this dish.

you get chunks of meat to work with. But I'm getting ahead of myself (spoiler alert), I marinaded the fish steaks in an insane amount of olive oil, salt/pepper, american and chinese okra, shallots and garden fresh tomaters, green bells, and basil for two hours in the freezer. Then I chopped the steaks into cubes. I found

Okra! Chinese (left) American (right)

there were parts of the fish that were way too much work to cut (and had those notorious bits that weren't that fleshy) so I saved them to cook with at some later date. I pan fried the cubes. Now, thankfully since I

From left to right: Tomaters, basil and green bells fresh picked from my garden; shallots and okra added; Catfish added; Oil, salt/pepper added and massive shaking!

marinaded them for so long they were so tender that I needn't worry too much about overcooking them. You can cook them with pink bits if you want, but I prefer white all the way through which ended up making them very juicy and hella fluffy. With the soaking, they smelled like marinade but tasted like fish which I was totally surprised by. One of the great things about improv cooking. I marinaded to push out the fishy flavors, but the reverse happened and I turned out to like the unlikely. There were flaky bits left in the oily mess in the cast iron so I burned all that off into vodka (there's a *term* for this but I can't recall what it is! please comment if you know!) and poured the flavorful liquid goodness over the fish.

Since there were obviously some left over oily veggies I simmered them (covered) with chopped Johnsonville smoked beef hot links that had jalapeno and red pepper. Those added a nice heat to the dish as I didn't end

up using any hot sauces or spicy seasonings. Surprising, right!? That completed the gumbo cooking adventure. I made a rice bed and covered it with the veggie/sausage spread and topped it with the fish and then the roux. The final mixture was quite delish! A unique blend of flavors and textures which is why I cooked them separately. I'm glad it ended heterogenous and not homogenous which I think might've happened with a soup or stew.

"All animals are equal but some are more equal than others" A Review of The Salted Pig

I can't abide anyone taking a two hour lunch break on jury duty that doesn't require an alky break. 
"It's surprising how people either do or don't want beer," my gracious Salted Pig host explained as I reclined from the courthouse, "And they both profess jury duty as an excuse." 
The latter would be lacking a unique drinking experience as the best regional beers are served exclusively on bottle at this culinary improvic gastropub. For those beer drinkers in the crowd, they have a diverse array of beers scribbled on an assortment of chalkboards. Among many fan favs you can find 'guest' beers that are off-menu and like all beers on the menu will range from 6 to 30 bucks a bottle and in each of their own right accompany your specific mood or dish. Don't come here for domestics on tap, but do expect an appropriate craft beer. I finally dipped into Autumn Maple, a higly rated reserve outta the Bruer (http://www.thebruery.com/) which surprised me with it's drinkability admist it's heavy sugar ingredients.

Long time readers would appreciate my obsession with bacon so I had to holler at their bacon fat-buttered popcorn. This is only three bucks and will serve 2-4 people easily. Although the bacon fat is a cute little appertif, the thyme and pepper enter center stage. The pepper lends a zesty bite amongst the earthy after flavorings punched in with the thyme. The thyme on the popcorn was an honest surprise. It makes sense since thyme and pork accompany each other so well. I especially love to accompany these flavors with dried apricot.

The restaurant was broken up in half where one portion was the primary bar and a collection of four seaters. In the equally large opposite section you find a 

sushi-esque bar that is appropriately heightened up to prevent awkwark leanings from customers but still allow for culinary conversations. On a relatively slow day I was able to snag the basis of their recipe for pork bellies. Along the three day process, the bellies are primarily soaked in brine for a day and then fried in their own fat. The crispy pork bits are then roasted on a bed of veggies for four hours and stored overnight in the fridge only to be cooked to a tender and juicy perfection.

On this particular night, Thursdays, they will make three pork belly tacos for only ten bucks. And amongt the variety of salsas, tonight's chef opted for a pineapple salsa based on its acidity. I highly recommend this as a mango salsa (something the chef alternates upon) would combat texturally with the manicured pork belly. (They serve this with parsley and diced onions, but they will easily replace onions with tomaters or avocado.) To finish off the meal I was served a pork-infused ice cream. The vanilla and bacon fat flavors came out first, then I tasted the chunks of bacon bits and lastly the saltiness. I balanced it with a playful little cider they had (the Scrumpy).  

I haveta say, I was sufficiently impressed by this unhealthy addition to Rside's downtown. They are both affordable and versatile. If you desire solid craft beers and flavorful pork-based meals, the Salted Pig is your destination!

http://www.saltedpigriverside.com/

Spanish Siesta

When asking a Spanish friend of mine when they'd usually eat a hearty meal like paella they told me usually in the late afternoon on Sunday with their friends and family. Since I have no family out here and my friends are all the family I got out here, I invited some of mis amigos cercanos over. If you're unfamiliar with paella, as I became aware of as I asked dozens about it this past week, it's a Spanish one dish meal consisting of saffron-flavored rice, meat/poultry and seafood. Saffron is one of the most expensive spices as the flowers it comes from, a crocus, only produces 3 threads. It is very hard to describe the flavor as it is so complex but many describe it as either bitter to semi-sweet and earthy. You'll want to buy it as threads, but it also comes powdered and if you live near a Cost Plus World Market, buy them there because that store sells insanely cheap spices that are of very high quality. (Also, when there pick up some smoked paprika, you'll need that as well.) Do not use a wooden spoon as it will absorb the flavor of the saffron. The dish calls for Spanish Valencia (Valencia is the region paella was born) rice which is a high starch short grain rice that I couldn't find so I replaced it with a sweet chinese rice which met those requirements. A short grain with high starch will make a mushy, sticky consistency. Since saffron is pricey, you may opt to use little (a couple of pinches), but since I was cooking a large serving of rice and I wanted it to taste extra scrumptious I used quite a bit.
For my recipes I would be using red bell pepper, tomatoes, and a jalapeno pepper which I sliced open and mixed with chopped basil and thyme, all fresh from my garden, and dredged with extra virgin olive oil, which I then marinated together overnight in my fridge. After dicing up the tomaters I sauteed them 

with fresh oil and the marinated basil. Make sure all the juice of the tomaters are used because you wanna cook the whole thang until all the liquid burns off and you get a syrupy collaboration of flavors. That will be added to the dish later.

Go ahead and saute a medium sized onion with shallots, all diced, in oil (the oil I marinaded in before, with the bits of thyme still in it and some of the basil) and add your water which will be used for the rice and bring it to a boil. This will make a broth for the rice to soak up all the flavors. If you were using chicken (which is a very traditional ingredient), I didn't, you'd want to cook the chicken in the oil as well to make it a chicken broth. I wanted to make sure I had a lot of food for everyone and leftovers so I made 6 cups of rice to 12 cups water. As long as you do a 1:2, w/v (rice:water) ratio you should be fine. The rice can cook for a long ass time because it's so starchy which is good because I had to cook it forever to tenderize the chorizo. Chorizo is something I haven't cooked before and apparently the good stuff, like I bought, is very tough and uncooked. If I do this again, I'm going to cook the chorizo on the side first and then add it to the rice after it's well cooked. 

Now, traditionally you're supposed to use a paellera, a round shallow cooking pan designed specifically for paella. They range from 25 to 100 bucks depending on quality. But I'm a college student so, yeah, fuck that. However if you're a purist, go for it and serve your guests out of it.
For seafood I steamed mussels which should come closed (denoting their alive) and open (denoting their fully cooked/dead) when steamed. Just steam them in a covered skillet with water for about 5 minutes. I recommend cutting them free from their shells and drizzling some fresh lime over them. There is a lot to consider with mussels so you may want to do your research on them. Speaking of which I have a side note. Although they're supposed to be closed, I bought them at a respectable market where I got all my seafood (99 ranch market, an asian market) and they were sold in a water bath and they were all fully open. Which struck me as odd but even after sitting in my fridge overnight (make sure to put them in a collander covered with a wet paper towel or in the bag w/ a hole cut in it so they can breath) they still smelled one hundred percent fresh. And after cooking them, they tasted - again - fresh. So I guess if they were dead they weren't for too long and kept for a good time, which I hear is what 99 Ranch Market is known for. So I highly recommend them. 
Also, for seafood, I was recommended red snapper. A friend I was cooking for wanted a whole fish in the dish so the fish's essential oils and flavors would soak into the rice. I rarely cook with fish, but fortunately the fishmonger knew that snapper was the right choice - it was by the way - very light and creamy, perfect for this dish. They took care of the gill situation, degutted, descaled and removed the tail. I kept the head though because with most seafood that's where all the flavor is and also the cheeks are the best part. I placed the fish, whole in, into the rice when all the top water disappeared (which should be when it's pretty hot). (This is also when I added the smoked paprika - which was from Spain! (a couple of tablespoons), saffron, and the tomatoe mixture) Apparently it was hot because the sucker was fully cooked in about 10 minutes. 

Getting it out is tricky because the heat will practically dissolve it and you'll probably be fishing out fish bones. Scrap out all the meaty bits including what you can scrounge from the head, as the paella keeps cooking. Now I didn't do this because I was kinda in a flurry from all the millions of things I was doing at once, but you can serve a guest(s) the eyeballs and cheeks.
I also bought a pound of large shrimp (technically not prawns, but you can get those instead if you want something really big). There are tons of ways to prepare shrimp. I like to remove the shells by pinching off the tail at the tip and peeling off the 2-3 panels that remain. Then I devein the poop, only because some get squeamish about that shit. But in their defense that shit can get pretty murky/sedimenty tasting and throw off the dish's flavor so it's probably best to just remove it. Then I gently pop off the head shell, but keep all the head gunk because like I said that's where all the flavor is. Yummy! I marinaded that for about 2 to 3 hours in chili garlic sauce (rooster sauce) and 

oil. Yeah, there's a LOT of oil in this recipe. Sautee for about 5 mins or until the shrimp are fully cooked. Set aside the cooked shrimp, fish and mussels. Add them when the rice is to your liking and the chorizo is just right. Then just add all the seafood, mix it up a spell and you're ready to serve. I recommend a peppery or fruity red wine that has a bold flavor to compete with the dish. Many recommend Spanish wines from the Rioja region. But no one seemed to care about the wines (me neither). Everyone was pretty syked about the sangria concotion I invented. So here's the recipe for that fan favorite:
1 part Madria Sangria 
2 part Hawaii's Own Paradise Punch (follow the instructions on the can)
1/2 part Perrier Lemon
I kept that in the freezer for several hours to make it into a slushie which I *highly* recommend.

Serve with french baguettes to soak up all the juicy flavors. I refuse to slice bread so my friends can break bread with me.


I served this with a side dish commonly used in Spain: ham, veggies and oil. Yeah they like their oil and meats in case you haven't figured that out yet. I marinaded a cubed Virginia ham (Serrano is prefered) in oil and garlic. 

VIRGINIA HAM!!!!!

I also marinaded the sliced red bells mentioned earlier with sugar snap peas and thrice sliced asparagus. 

Apparently it's common to steam and then skillet cook veggies in Spain so I did that. I have good days and bad with asparagus because the tip cooks so readily and the fat part takes forever and has a hard, waxy, slivery texture when uncooked. And I don't want to overcook the tips just to get the fat parts edible. So let me know if you have a special way to cook these bastards. I think the ham was smoked (even though it wasn't labeled as such) because it cooked super quick so be very careful if you use Virginia *smoked* ham. It will be super salty, fatty in parts, but oh Lordy so flavorful. I added the water from the steaming part of the recipe because as I mentioned the asparagus butts were being stubborn and I was afraid of overcooking the ham. That way the ham would stay moist and the asparagus could boil. No one seemed to notice and it came out nice. I debated about adding walnuts to the dish, so that may be a consideration.

For dessert I did something very light because everyone's gonna be exhausted and super full from the food. I had a bowl of strawberries, sour cream, and brown sugar. You dip a strawberry in the cream and then dip it in sugar. My family used to do this alot. I'm glad I did that. I almost served blueberries in milk with sugar. A friend recommended nuking the brown sugar for like 15 secs if it gets clumpy. So that's a pro tip.


I wanna thank all my friends that I invited. I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to post your thoughts, questions, advice/pointers. You can post as Anonymous if you so desire.

¡Buen provecho!

Catering for a Crowd

This is a modification on the cheezy tater-filled dog recipe that has been repurposed to serve as an hors d'oeuvre. The cheese and taters obviously stay the same, but go ahead and replace the dogs with cocktail weenies and the buns with crescent dough. Cocktail franks usually come in a package holding about 30 to 40 dogs so keep that in mind if you're entertaining guests. Slice the lil doggies lengthwise again, about halfway into them. You're going to want to boil them for about 10-15 minutes because the weenies will come uncooked and the baking process will be too short to actually cook the pork properly. This will also help puff out the sliver you made so it's easier to stuff the mashed taters in there. This time I cooked the taters with garlic and creole seasoning (I ran out of Tony Chachere's *tear* so I used some other name brand) to lend a mild spicy kick. A sliver of cheese is all you need, the size of which is up to you. It's best to use block cheese though to make it easier to handle when wrapping it up. When using the crescent dough to wrap up the dog, I have found it best to try stretching it out fairly tightly around the hot dog so it's a thinner crust. It may not cook evenly if it's thick, so making it thinner is best. You can always roll the dough out more with a pin prior to wrapping if you so desire. Each crescent piece should be enough to wrap 3 stuffed weenies. So if you're doing the math, 2 crescent dough rolls (each holding 8 crescent pieces) were enough for a bag of 40 weenies. The mashed taters were cooked for a serving of 2 and that was just enough for all of the dogs.

Once you have them assembled they only need to bake at 375 for 4 to 8 minutes until puffy and evenly golden brown. Really fast. Prep time is where most of the time is consumed. They're surprisingly lighter than I expected despite using fatty ingredients. Here's hoping they're a hit at the party!

Garden Fresh One Dish Meal

Hanging out with some of my buddies we wanted to make some grub using mostly fresh ingredients from the garden. My homie suggested an old family recipe mixing ground beef into a hollowed out summer squash. This is a one dish meal that can be modified around these two base ingredients. From the garden we used onion, garlic, habanero, bell pepper, arugula, and kale mixed in with the ground beef which was browned on medium heat in a skillet. We also added a healthy amount of bread crumbs to soak up all the greasy flavorings exuded from the meat.

Since this meal can be effectively baked for an extended time in the oven, it isn't an issue if you are dealing with an over-ripe squash, which we were dealing with. To prepare the squash, just slice it lenghtwise and scoop out the majority of the innards, but leave a decent amount of the flesh covering the rind. You will need that squash flesh later in the recipe. Go ahead and slather that bad boy with olive oil and place the beef/veggie mix into the core.

Sprinkle cheese over the top of the stuffed squash and bake at 350 for at least 20 minutes. You can always cook it for longer until the squash is tender if it's over-ripe. You may just need to lower the heat down to 300 or lower and bake for an extended period. You may also want to cover it in this case to prevent the meat from drying out too much, however the bread crumbs should prevent this from happening. When the dish is done you can scoop out that flesh you didn't remove along with all the stuffed ingredients and set them aside.

Just put all the scoopings back into the squash shell and enjoy! Removing more of the squash and mixing it in with the beef will make it more moist and add a nice stringy texture to the dish. It's very filling and has an outstanding savory flavor.

A Family Recipe - Re-invented

You're about to discover how classically midwest my cooking background is. In our household we often whipped together this simple, but mixed up recipe because it was cheap and had your basic meat/potatoes/cheese combo - the lifeblood of any Illinoisian. Or is it Illinoisite?

Take your run a da mill hot dog. If you have a favorite brand go for it. I do Bar S because it's cheap or Ball Park (turkey/beef/pork) - cuz they plump when they cook em (insert namebrand plug here!!). Or if you have a local butcher that serves a nice dog, go for that. It's preferable if you take one that has no casing, and is sealed together and pre-cooked. You could do a casing'd dog but you'd prolly haveta boil it first and then work with it. The reason I say that is that you want to cut the dog lengthwise about half way through and then cook it and allow the slice to puff out so you can stuff it later. An intestinal casing can't be cut before cooking unless you want all the porky guts to squidge out. Blegh.

The original recipe has you stuff that sliced dog with mashed potaters and top with chedda and broil it. Simple and sweet. But as my cooking skills evolved I played around with the recipe. One of the things I modified over time was boiling the dog in water seasoned with celery salt. If y'all don't use celery salt on yo dogs, start doing it! Something about that spice just blends so well with dogs. The major revision I added, however, was incorporating a bun. This does make it a LOT more bulkier and harder to eat a lot in one sitting, but it also makes it a finger food where as you kinda haveta eat a dog/tater/cheese combo with a fork/knife. Besides, I fucking love bread, so it only made it better in my book.

I remember my family had a different opinion on the subject. I've been living away from home for several years now and visited last year. When I did, I decided to cook the family recipe - completely forgeting that they never included the bun. Hell, when I started boiling with the celery salt the groans were already coming out, "Why are you boiling it with celery salt!? Celery salt is only on a regular hot dog, not in this style of dog!" Then I started steaming some buns. Now, I've never seen steamed buns outside of my household so I figured it was common place to do this at our place. You basically can steam it in a double boiler or wrap the dog in a damp paper towel and microwave for 15-40 sec; depending on time constraints. So when I started double boiling the buns I was freaking out when my family started dividing into factions. One side was willing to try new things but the others refused to have the recipe on a bun. It was quite comical as I had to stop cooking and find out who was fine with a bun or wanted the original. A Protein-Carbohydrate line was clearly drawn in the sand. Good times.

Now, I've been cooking the bun variation for some time, but I had a lady friend over and wanted to explore some new options. One of the primary differences is that I didn't boil the dog, but grilled instead. Which isn't a suprise to my fans as most of my recipes are bbq'd. So I came up with a damn good plan...

I sprinkled the dogs with celery salt, after slicing them lengthwise and throwing them on the grill. That way the celery salt will be toasted into the skin of the dog. Nom nom, right!?

There really isn't any trick to cooking pre-cooked dogs, just that you prolly shouldn't close the lid and just watch them like a hawk. I'm not a huge fan of blacked out dogs that are mainly flaky burnedness. Blegh. So I like to turn them often and make sure they get the plumpiness and brownness they deserve.

Components that will come into play that I never used before: grill a jalapeno and a yellow onion. The jalapeno will be sliced up and placed in the doggy's trough.

Whilst cooking the dogs you could be making the mashed potaters. Since I'm a poor hungry doctor (PhD student) I do instant, but by all means do home cooked if that's your thing. Follow the box's recipe of course or follow your own mashed potaters recipe. As you guessed, I toss in some Tony Chachere's. And as a modification, I toss in chopped grilled onion which makes a very unique flavor. At this point you can throw in anything you wish into the taters. One thing I've done that makes a nice zing is sliced up pepperoni.

Once the taters are ready, go ahead and scoop those bad boys into the dogs that have already been planted into the buns and stuffed with jalapeno. Then it's pretty easy as you layer cheese atop and broil it. Pull it out in 3-8 mins and you should have a golden brown cheese topping with slightly burnt bun.

If you can, enjoy it with a handsome man or beautiful lady

and of course a bottle of beer